Self-Care
Step 1 for Parenting: Self-Care
Have you ever tried watering a plant with an empty can?
That seems silly doesn't it.
How about caring for a child after getting a smidgen of sleep and not mentally taking 2 seconds for yourself?
Yep, I think a lot more people would say yes to that second one.
The two scenarios are different at first glance but really they are very similar. How can you give from something that is empty? I love this quote by Marion G. Romney:
"Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve. How can we give if there in nothing there? Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak."
As silly as the first scenario seems there are many, many people who are striving to give (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically) from empty cans. This happens for various reasons- single parenting, strained financial resources, mental illness, disabilities, etc.
So what are some ways of helping to take care of yourself- to fill your bucket so that then you can be more able to care for your children?
Over my 11 years of parenting under extreme circumstances I have found a few things that have really helped:
1. Meditation
I know, I know, it sounds a little out there to most people. But seriously, this has been the biggest help for me for a number of reasons. It helps you to be more mindful which on it's own has tremendous benefits mentally as has been shown in numerous studies. Being mindful simply means "paying attention to what’s happening in the present moment in the mind, body and external environment, with an attitude of curiosity and kindness."(https://www.themindfulnessinitiative.org/Handlers/Download.ashx?IDMF=1af56392-4cf1-4550-bdd1-72e809fa627a) If you are wondering more about mindfulness there is a whole booklet that tells all about it right here:
But past just being mindful, meditation helps you find a peaceful place in your mind from which you can just rest and find rejuvenation or have a safe space to honestly and clearly work through mental hang-ups. If you are interested in meditation I highly suggest the app Ten Percent. They have fantastic guided meditations as short as 5 minutes that can get you started.
2. Doing things that make your heart sing
Since when did hearts sing?! I don't know, but I swear my heart sings during certain activities: getting out in nature, playing the piano, listening to music, reading a book just for fun. What makes you feel excited? What feels so easy to do, that brightens your mood? It doesn't have to take very long at all- sometimes all you have is just a few minutes- but these are the things that can help bring light and joy to life and certainly fill your bucket. If thinking of something that makes your heart sing is hard to do, I would suggest sitting down and pondering on things that have made you feel that way in the past. Write up a list and try some of them out! See if you still hear a tune or maybe find something new to try that sounds interesting or fun.
3. Gratitude
I did this challenge for 30 days where I did a brief journal entry at the end of the day that focused on gratitude. There were a few questions that I was supposed to answer: What was your favorite memory today? and What are three things you were thankful for today? are a couple that I remember. Taking five minutes to ponder on things that went well, you enjoyed, or were thankful for that day can turn the whole day around. I often found that a day I thought had just been awful was really a great blessing and I could go to sleep with a smile on my face remembering and focusing on those things that had been great.
These are just three simple suggestions, but I have found that they can have a big impact, especially when they are practiced regularly. These things are also free and can take little time or effort so I feel they are accessible to anyone who feels that they keep trying to pour from an empty bucket.
Until next time,
Rachelle
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